she was so not down for the gang bang
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
