just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
