listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
