god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
