i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
