either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
