A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I had to cum in my sink.
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