tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she peed on how many people?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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