never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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