Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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