The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
