Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
