his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
