420 ftw
dude i'm inner monologue high
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
