someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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