My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
