can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
