I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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