Sry I called you an 8
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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