I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize