planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
