Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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