you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
