Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
