I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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