I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
