i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
