The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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