***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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