Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
