she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
