I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
