I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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