i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
