Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Houston, we have a blender
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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