he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
