i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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