So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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