So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
