i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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