These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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