my sisters under your porch take her home
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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