i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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