Are we in a gay sports bar?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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