Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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