grandma shit on top of the toilet
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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