So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
