3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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