You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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