It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
