she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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