You just made me feel so damn special
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize