She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize