You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
