You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
