Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
