Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
