i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize