Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
