I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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