we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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