the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize