You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize