question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
