so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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