just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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